Should (She) Stay or Should (She) Go?

 Spoiler alert: she went.

Back in September 2021, Brynn got in the car after school and told me there was a "field trip" she wanted to go on and handed me a flyer.  She was a newly minted high schooler, starting a new school year at a new school after spending half her middle school years learning from a chromebook in her bedroom thanks to the covid pandemic, so I was thrilled at any opportunity for her to do anything beyond the four walls of her room.  I glanced quickly at the flyer before putting the car in drive, and after seeing it was for a 10 day trip to Spain, Morocco, and Portugal with her AP Human Geography teacher and classmates, I har-har'ed and threw the paper back into her lap before attempting to beat the steady stream of buses also trying to exit the parking lot.  The first thoughts that went through my mind were:

1) We can't afford it. 

2) Ryan will never go for it.

3) Covid is still a major problem, how can this trip even happen?

But then I went back to my initial reaction of being excited that she was excited about an opportunity, so I countered each of those three knee-jerk thoughts with some buts:

1) But we don't even know how much it costs. Let's look into it.

2) But sometimes Ryan surprises us all.  Let's show him the flyer.

3) The covid situation seems to be improving, surely by Summer 2022 things will be much, much better.  Let's not rule this out.

So I did some looking into things.  I learned that the cost of the trip was doable with some serious saving on our part and Brynn's, along with some fundraising that's built right into the travel company's website.  Brynn and I presented the information to Ryan, and while his initial reaction was similar to mine, he didn't shoot it down right away.  See?  He surprises us sometimes.  

The next step was to attend the informational meeting over Zoom with Brynn's teacher, who was the lead chaperone for the trip.  While Brynn wasn't loving the content of her AP Human Geography class, she did like her teacher, who she described as "a nice little map nerd."  During the Zoom meeting, we learned that this teacher had led more than a few international tours with students.  He'd navigated them all through everything from travel delays to lost luggage to lost passports, and every child was returned to their family safe and sound and forever changed because of the experience.  He put my mama mind at ease, and knowing we'd get a full refund if the trip was cancelled due to covid helped convince Ryan that we could maybe potentially possibly just maybe pull this off for our kid.  So we pulled the trigger and signed her up.

Over the next couple of months, life just sort of went on as usual.  Whatever "usual" was in 2021.  The trip was still so far away that it seemed a bit abstract and certainly nothing to have actual concerns over.  Our friends and family blew us away with their generous contributions to Brynn's fundraising page, easing our minds a bit about how we'd swing the monthly payments that were being charged to our credit card.

Enter 2022.  Brynn started the new year learning from her bedroom again after testing positive for covid the night before school started up again after Christmas break.  At some point during her week at home, I got a text from a friend whose daughter was also going on the trip to Spain.  She asked if we had heard about Mr. W. (Brynn's current AP Human Geography teacher and the lead chaperone for the trip) and was wondering what that meant for the trip.  Ummmmm, no?  My mind went to illness...maybe he or someone in his family was diagnosed with something horrible and Mr. W. wouldn't be able to make the trip.  Oh no no no.  Too easy.  See, what happened was Mr. W. was arrested over break, charged with indecent liberties with a minor in his custody.  As in a foreign exchange student minor in his custody.

Come again?  My heart sank.  For a plethora of reasons.  Was it true?  If it were, how awful for the minor.  If it weren't, how awful for Mr. W.  Did Brynn notice any red flags while in his class or was she completely shocked by this as well?  Would the trip be cancelled?  After all, it wasn't technically a school sponsored trip, and therefore it was not the school's responsibility to try to find a replacement lead chaperone.  Unless another chaperone stepped up and took the lead, we could kiss Spain adios.  Brynn was already bummed about missing the first week of school and two weeks of her swim season because of covid, so I was dreading having to break this news to her.  She took it pretty well - as Brynn does - so I tried to adopt her calm demeanor and rosy outlook that everything would work out just fine.

Within a few days, the parents of kids signed up for the trip got an email from the school principal.  Despite all of the ever changing covid policies and procedures she was dealing with on top of the typical high school principal stuff - you know, ever changing covid protocols, idiot kids, their idiot parents, one of your teachers being arrested for taking advantage of a minor, typical principal stuff -  she was going to dig into our dilemma and see if there was anything at all she could do to salvage the trip. Bad ass woman.

In the meantime, another parent in the group - who was also going to be a chaperone on the trip - took a shot in the dark.  Her roommate from college was fluent in Spanish, lived in Spain for a few years, and taught high school English to Spanish students.  Maybe she'd want to take some time off work and leave her husband and two young children at home to be responsible for 30ish high school aged strangers in several foreign countries and save our trip?  

Turns out she did.

Enter Megan, our new fearless leader and savior.  A zoom meeting was arranged for us all to meet her, with even the principal in attendance.  I fought back tears throughout most of the meeting, unable to believe our good fortune as she rattled off everything that made her more than qualified to take on this responsibility.  This woman was everything you'd want a leader to be...kind, capable, and calm.  I had every confidence she'd get my baby back home to me in one piece, and - sorry, not sorry fellas - I was relieved our new leader was a woman (see part about indecent liberties with a minor above).

I felt like I could exhale and get back to being excited for Brynn about the trip...until we had another zoom meeting before the commitment deadline and discussed what would happen should anyone test positive for covid during the trip.  Essentially, if a student tested positive while on the trip, that student and a chaperone would have to stay put in whatever city the group was currently in while the rest of the group moved on without them.  Their travel itinerary had them hopping around a lot with overnight stays in four different cities, mind you.  At the time, a negative covid test was required to re-enter the United States, so a positive test would keep your child stranded in a foreign country with essentially a stranger for at least another week.  

I put my positive pants on and basically tried to completely ignore the possibility of any of that happening to my child.  She was going on this trip.  But then the parent of the only actual friend Brynn had going on the trip called to chat about her concerns, and ultimately told me they were backing out.  Which made me question if we were making the right choice by not doing the same.  I talked to Brynn to see how she felt about going and not really knowing any of the other kids on the trip, and to Ryan to see how he felt about it.  As for Brynn, not knowing anyone else wasn't an issue.  As for Ryan, well, let's just say feelings aren't his forte and of course none of that stuff would happen so why was I even worrying about it.

But then I had an idea.

 

What if I just went with her?  Sure, it would minimize the sense of independence she'd gain traveling without a parent, but what an incredible mother-daughter experience it would be!  Besides, my husband and other daughter have zero interest in the cultural and historical stuff the trip included, so this would be a great opportunity for me to finally put a stamp on my passport and enjoy these things without the two of them being bored and miserable.  Ryan's response?

Ugh.  Ok fine.  She'll go.  I won't.  It'll all be fine.  I repeated these things over and over again as the worrisome news just kept coming.  Russia invades Ukraine.  Monkeypox makes a comeback.  International air travel is a total disaster with delays and cancellations and petulant, abusive passengers.  Think like Ryan.  Think like Ryan.  It'll all be fine.

The last payment was made and the countdown was on.  I'm a big fan of making lists - the level of gratification I get crossing things off a list is probably unhealthy, but that's its own blog post - and the tour company's website had a great interactive checklist to help us cross all the T's and dot all the I's for the trip.  It helped keep me calm and focused on completing tasks instead of on Brynn being 4000 miles away.  But that last week before the trip had me on edge.  We had everything she needed - passport, vaccination card, Euros, electrical outlet adapter, airline apps downloaded on both our phones, SNACKS - but no one was 100% clear about whether the group needed proof of a negative covid test to enter Spain or when said test needed to be administered.  Was it 72 hours?  48?  24?  They were leaving early Monday afternoon...could we even get test results on a Sunday?  How many of these questions are keeping my husband awake at night?  We all know that answer is zero.  

We decided not to take any chances and get her tested anyway, just in case.  But what if she was positive?!?!  She did have a cold that had been lingering since the last week of school.  I couldn't take the suspense of waiting for a lab result, so the morning of her test, I popped open a box of home covid tests (thanks, Joe Biden) and tested her at home first.  Negative.  Phew!!!  With an official negative test at Walgreens, our last hurdle was cleared and the only thing left on my list of things to do was to get her to the airport and actually let her go.

I may have squeezed her too tight and for too long, but eventually I did let her go.  I kept the crying to a respectable minimum (unlike her sister...wasn't expecting that!), and Camryn and I went on with our day.  Throughout the day, I obsessively checked the airline app for Brynn's flight status, and each alert brought a little more relief.  When my phone buzzed around 2am (on my birthday, no less) to tell me they landed in Madrid, that's when the floodgates opened for me.  Knowing my baby was back on the ground - safe and sound and on time even! - brought on a deluge of emotions.  It was mostly just plain old relief after all the months of uncertainty surrounding this trip, but there was also some sadness, excitement, and more than a little twinge of jealousy.  I so wanted to be there with her, but was excited for her to have this experience on her own.  We never would have sent her if she wasn't the smart, mature, self-sufficient person she is, and I knew she'd love every minute of not being under the watchful eye of her parents.  Especially when it came to wanting to eat all the ice cream.

Her trip went off without a hitch and she saw some really incredible places with a tour guide named Jesus (I mean...).  Her daily photo dump texts had me drooling over the gorgeous buildings, the palm trees, the beautiful blue Mediterranean Sea. They made it back to Norfolk a few minutes ahead of schedule despite summer storms popping up all around (as they do in July), and everyone's luggage was accounted for. She now has two stamps on her passport, and while they never left the Spanish-controlled territory in Morocco to get a third stamp, she can forever say she's been to Africa.  That's so freaking cool.  

It's been a busy summer for Brynn, teaching surf camps every week and a last minute trip to Rodanthe, but she was finally able to sit down and send the postcards she promised everyone who contributed to the funding of her trip, so keep an eye out for that in your mailbox.  If you donated anonymously, please consider this your postcard (or send me a private message with your address and Brynn will send you the real deal!).  A ginormous thank you to everyone who helped make this experience possible for my girl.  Enjoy a few photos from her trip.