So how am I feeling after scheduling a hip replacement? I'm feeling lots of things, but initially I simply felt relieved to have actually made a decision. The should I/shouldn't I/if I do then when back and forth was agonizing, and I'm glad it's out of the way.
Speaking of agonizing, pain in my hip is another feeling I'm (still) having, so yeah, I probably made the right decision. But it doesn't come without a twinge of doubt. What if I go through the hell that is surgery and recovery, only to be no better than I am right now? It's certainly possible, but to stay off that ledge, I remind myself it's not likely. I'm "young" (relatively speaking), healthy, strong, and motivated. All factors that set me up for a successful outcome. I'd also be going against my physical therapist's recommendation of putting off surgery for a few more years. What if I need a revision down the road? But I always circle back to my pain and loss of function, and all signs point to
Another feeling in my quiver is dread. March 20th seems like an eternity to continue feeling like this. The toll being in constant pain takes on one's mental state is costly. I'm irritable and incredibly short on patience, which isn't great when working with young children all day, and parenting teenage daughters at night. It felt like my face always looked like this:
I don't like being pissy all the time. I'm not that kind of Karen.
But the universe helped me take care of that with a Thanksgiving miracle in the form of a cancellation that allowed me to get my cortisone injection a month early.
I had the injection the Wednesday before Thanksgiving, and by Small Business Saturday, I was a new woman. Just about the only time I felt true pain was when my hip was in nearly full flexion, which I've been avoiding for well over a year anyway, so no biggie there. I could walk faster and without a limp, and was able to start going for actual walks again (I hadn't done that in several months). I rode my mountain bike on some easy trails with Ryan and some friends. I could lift a little heavier and squat a little lower during my strength training workouts. I could come home from work and remain upright instead of needing to lie flat to alleviate the pain. I could sleep without turning like a rotisserie chicken all night long. I started feeling hopeful that I could make it to March without murdering someone or at the very least, sawing off my leg.
I checked in with my physical therapist, who was thrilled with how my body was moving. She gave me some new homework and told me to come back in 2-3 months as long as I continue to feel good and consistently do said homework. I can do that.
But then that pesky doubt comes creeping in again. That bastard. Feeling good makes one question if one needs the surgery after all. Decreasing pain and increasing activity has always been the goal, right? If my pain is all but gone and I'm slowly getting back to some - albeit modified - activity, why have surgery now?
Because cortisone wears off and your hip is still wrecked, my friends. I'm four weeks post-injection, and while I'm not in agony like I was pre-injection, those little niggles of discomfort are slowly seeping in again. So once again, I'll back off on the walks I've started to enjoy again. I'll keep the weights a little lower and the squats a little higher. I'll hit it with all the conservative modalities I have on hand and hope I can keep the resting bitch face at bay until March.
