Why you gotta be so mean?

It's been another week of emotional unrest for me, but thankfully there were more ups than downs.  This volatility has been hard for my rational self to cope with, but after all these weeks, I'm learning the art of self-pep talks.  

On Tuesday, I could still feel what was left of my sad little 1 minute walk/1 minute "run" intervals, so I decided I'd give it another day before attempting another session.  The sun was shining, so I headed to the oceanfront with Camryn, Jude, the double jogger, and my roller blades to get a few miles in.  I was excited that the winds were coming from the west, meaning I wouldn't have to battle them skating north or south on the boardwalk.  Turns out, I battled wind both north AND south instead, making it an extremely challenging workout.  So challenging, you might say, that I busted right out of my roller blades.

 The top strap on each skate broke within a week of each other, but it was nothing a little velcro strap couldn't handle.  But when the bottom strap of my right skate popped with two miles to go pushing around 70 lbs of kids and stroller into the wind, I had some words for the universe:

The universe's reply was most likely this:

I couldn't help but wonder what I have done to anger the running gods.  I really thought I had earned my stripes this winter and they'd ease up on me in my time of weakness, but no such luck.  They are truly testing me, asking me how badly I want this, how badly I want to run again.  I ran into a runner friend at the park after my skate strap explosion and told her what had happened.  She could only shake her head in understanding, but then she offered me the roller blades she had sitting in her garage to borrow until I get back to running.  Maybe those running gods like me after all.  

The next day was Camryn's last day of preschool.  Ever.  It was my last time dropping off one of my kids at that lovely little school, and it didn't really sink in until my friend asked me at drop off how I was doing.  The tears started streaming down my face, and they never really stopped until it was time to pick Camryn up again.  My children have made such great little friends there, but more importantly, so have I.  I'm not an outgoing person, and it takes me a while to warm up to new people, but the friends I have made through that preschool are wonderful moms and supportive women.  I will truly miss the social interaction that came with dropping my kids off and picking them up, because both girls will be riding the bus to and from school next year (not to mention that all of my bus stop buddies are moving at the end of this school year too!!!).  

This school year has been so very challenging for me - Ryan's mom's illness and eventual passing, training for my first marathon, struggling with injury - but that school has been a constant source of normalcy for Camryn.  I could be a total stressball, but when she walked through that door, it was all sunshine and rainbows.  Camryn's graduation from preschool is something that Peggy would have made such a big deal about, and her absence hit me hard.  So while I'm incredibly sad this chapter of Camryn's life (and mine as the parent of a preschooler) is closing, I'm looking forward to hitting the reset button that is summer, and having a chance to start fresh in September.

After we got home from her graduation and celebratory picnic, we had a tiny little visitor with us for a few hours.  To christen her to the Psimas way, I threw her in the double jogger with Camryn and attempted another walk/run.  Little C isn't allowed on the internet, so this is all you get:

After a quick but thorough warm up, I got to work.  I don't know if pushing the stroller changed my form enough to make a difference, but I got through the ten sets of 1 minute walk/1 minute run without incident.  Perhaps I was going a lot slower than I did when I was without the stroller, or maybe I had no choice but to keep my core really tight, but I had a great session.  The only pain I felt was when I started my first running interval and Camryn said, "It feels like you're still walking."  Ouch.  

 I had Jude in tow again yesterday, and we had another gorgeous day on our hands.  I decided we'd run our errands on the bike instead of in the car...without running those miles every week, I'll take any opportunity I can to burn some calories!  

 You won't find me spinning my wheels inside a sweat box on a day like that...the streets are my spin class!

Today started out with the best yoga session I've had in a long time.  I felt rock solid in my poses, and I was able to do a few moves I was never able to fully accomplish before.  I also achieved a full split on my left side (as a gymnast, my left side was my "bad" side), which I got really excited about.  With spirits high, I hit the boardwalk for my third and final attempt at ten sets of 1 minute walk/1 minute run this week.  I swallowed my pride and watched people young and old, fit and fat go zooming by me, but I had to do my thing today.  I am pleased to report that it went well, and I think I've earned the right to bump the intervals up to 1:30 next week.

I'd be lying if I said my knee felt 100% wonderful and spectacular because it doesn't.  But it hasn't actually gotten to the point of pain these past two sessions, and I'll go out on a limb and call that progress.  I will keep on keepin' on with my rehab, cross training, and early mornings with Tony Horton, all the while telling myself I'll run when I run.  Running that "feels like I'm still walking" is what's right for me right now, but I'll get faster someday.  So the takeaway from this post is this:

Find what makes you feel good and do it.  Often.