Twice I've attempted to write a particular post, but the words have not been coming together. Perhaps they'll come to me as we go through the weekend. So for now, instead of writing about the elephant in the room, I'll take the easy road and write about running.
But this isn't easy to write about either. Today has been mentally the toughest day of these last 15 weeks of training. As I've mentioned before, so much of the preparation for the marathon is mental. I started this journey wondering what the hell I had gotten myself into. That turned into "I'm not sure how, but maybe I can do this." And later it became "Wow, I really think I can do this!" And less than two weeks ago it was "I am going to do this and do this well!" Incredible how each passing week was like a step higher on the ladder of my self-confidence.
Even being thrown the curveball of this IT band issue hadn't knocked me down too many rungs...until today. Today was the first day that the bastard known as Doubt crept into my mind. Today was the first day I thought "I'm not sure if I can do this." I am trying to gather every iota of positive thinking and open up a can of whoop ass on Doubt, but it's been tough.
Today I ran for the first time since Saturday's painful 6 miles. I sweet talked my ITB on the way to the rec center. I warmed him up slowly and gently for 5 minutes on the bike before stretching him and his posse for 10 minutes before even going near the treadmill. I barely ran, but instead trotted so as not to anger the beast. I crossed my fingers and mumbled "please don't hurt" several times before I hit quick start.
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I got to a quarter mile pain free and smiled. I got to a half mile pain free and clenched my fist with a silent "yesssss." At 1 mile, I planned to stop and stretch, and at 1 mile, some tightness was starting to set in. But it wasn't pain, so I felt ok with that.
After some stretching, I was back at it. The stretching was like a reset button, and the tightness was gone when I started my second mile. Another half mile pain free. Awesome. But this time, the tightness was creeping in after 3/4 mile. Noooooo. I stuck to my plan, finished the second mile, and stretched again. And again, the reset button was hit and the tightness was gone as I started mile 3. This time, the tightness returned by the 1/2 mile mark, and I decided to stop then and stretch instead of pushing through to the full mile. Reset. RESET, dammit!!! Hopped back on to finish the third mile, and the tightness finally gave way to discomfort. I fought back tears and finished my pathetic attempt at some quality miles with some more stretching. I hit the foam roller when I got home, where the flood gates opened after Ryan asked how it went. I iced after I foam rolled and distracted myself with a surprise lunch date at Brynn's school.
There was another blow to my plans of improvement after I called the physical therapy clinic to see when I could get in tomorrow. My guy was out sick today, so they were unsure if he'd be there tomorrow or not. Come on, universe!!! Even if he's back at work tomorrow, do I really take the chance to be in a 5 x 7 room with someone who was just sick??? The thought of getting sick on top of this is enough to...well, make me sick.
So I will go to bed tonight not knowing what the heck I'm going to do with myself tomorrow. I will enjoy the company of my children and be thankful for the comedic relief they provide me every single day. Not so sure Doubt can take on all of us.
But this isn't easy to write about either. Today has been mentally the toughest day of these last 15 weeks of training. As I've mentioned before, so much of the preparation for the marathon is mental. I started this journey wondering what the hell I had gotten myself into. That turned into "I'm not sure how, but maybe I can do this." And later it became "Wow, I really think I can do this!" And less than two weeks ago it was "I am going to do this and do this well!" Incredible how each passing week was like a step higher on the ladder of my self-confidence.
Even being thrown the curveball of this IT band issue hadn't knocked me down too many rungs...until today. Today was the first day that the bastard known as Doubt crept into my mind. Today was the first day I thought "I'm not sure if I can do this." I am trying to gather every iota of positive thinking and open up a can of whoop ass on Doubt, but it's been tough.
Today I ran for the first time since Saturday's painful 6 miles. I sweet talked my ITB on the way to the rec center. I warmed him up slowly and gently for 5 minutes on the bike before stretching him and his posse for 10 minutes before even going near the treadmill. I barely ran, but instead trotted so as not to anger the beast. I crossed my fingers and mumbled "please don't hurt" several times before I hit quick start.
I got to a quarter mile pain free and smiled. I got to a half mile pain free and clenched my fist with a silent "yesssss." At 1 mile, I planned to stop and stretch, and at 1 mile, some tightness was starting to set in. But it wasn't pain, so I felt ok with that.
After some stretching, I was back at it. The stretching was like a reset button, and the tightness was gone when I started my second mile. Another half mile pain free. Awesome. But this time, the tightness was creeping in after 3/4 mile. Noooooo. I stuck to my plan, finished the second mile, and stretched again. And again, the reset button was hit and the tightness was gone as I started mile 3. This time, the tightness returned by the 1/2 mile mark, and I decided to stop then and stretch instead of pushing through to the full mile. Reset. RESET, dammit!!! Hopped back on to finish the third mile, and the tightness finally gave way to discomfort. I fought back tears and finished my pathetic attempt at some quality miles with some more stretching. I hit the foam roller when I got home, where the flood gates opened after Ryan asked how it went. I iced after I foam rolled and distracted myself with a surprise lunch date at Brynn's school.
There was another blow to my plans of improvement after I called the physical therapy clinic to see when I could get in tomorrow. My guy was out sick today, so they were unsure if he'd be there tomorrow or not. Come on, universe!!! Even if he's back at work tomorrow, do I really take the chance to be in a 5 x 7 room with someone who was just sick??? The thought of getting sick on top of this is enough to...well, make me sick.
So I will go to bed tonight not knowing what the heck I'm going to do with myself tomorrow. I will enjoy the company of my children and be thankful for the comedic relief they provide me every single day. Not so sure Doubt can take on all of us.
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